Craig White Mentoring

The Midlife Mystery – A Poem to Help in Mid Life Crisis (written in 2016)

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It’s my birthday today
I have nothing to say
A day of celebration and joy
But I feel like an immature boy

I open my eyes as I wake up in bed
A blanket of darkness covers my head
The spark of my life, oh where do you hide
You have left me naked and bitter inside

Anger, sadness, confusion and pain
Anxiety, madness, guilt and shame
My body is frozen riddled with fear
Mind wants to run away from here

I was raised to be strong
I was raised to be tough
But as I lie here
I am riddled with fear

Society taught me to avoid any pain
And to never accept the feeling of shame
I was taught it was wrong to feel deep unrest
And told I was weird for opening my chest

Now I feel so alone
I turn off the phone
To talk is too painful
I feel so unstable

I can’t go to work
My boss is a jerk
The staff are jerks too
They haven’t a clue

My dad says grow up
I then just close up
My body in rage
Feeling locked in a cage

I just want to scream
You know what I mean
But hey that would be wrong
Or at least that’s my song

So I keep it inside
And I continue to hide
I will just wear a mask
It feels better not to ask

Feeling too weak to speak
They’ll think I’m a freak
I’ll go with the tide
Contemplate suicide

My world torn apart
And so is my heart
With no will to live
I have nothing to give

A life with nothing to gain
Depression and a mountain of pain
I fight with my mind which brings some relief
And then I fall deeper into an ocean of grief

Oh I forgot to mention
Mostly I just distract my attention
And I’ve tried running away
Coz it’s so hard to stay

The pain is so deep
And now I just weep
Believing its wrong
Society’s song

But wait this is not right
Avoiding the pain keeps me up every night
Constantly pushing the pain away
Stuck in aguish and shame every day

What if for once I was quiet and still
Instead of reaching out for a fix or a pill
What if I simply observed the pain
Like sitting in my chair and watching the rain

What if I surrendered and asked for support
Instead of rushing to the gym to play sport
What if I finally saw pain as a blessing
Instead of covering my wounds with a dressing

What if I saw the pain as a friend
Instead of fighting with mind to the end
What if the pain was an act of grace
And I brought the wounded child into this space

What if I forgave the wounds from the past
Surely then the pain could not last
What if I brought my pain into the open
And realised that I’m not really broken

What if I found some men just like me
Who wanted to share so they could be free
Men who want to live a deep and true life
Instead of squandering in darkness and strife

What if I turned this story on its head
And reclaimed my power before I am dead
Reached out to life and went for a swim
And for once stop playing the victim

What if I finally stepped over the threshold
A leap of faith, a chance to be bold
What if I shared my story with another
Instead of believing the one given by mother

I’m not saying it’s easy
And it might make you queezy
But the story inside you
Are concepts not true

For you are more than the story within
For inside of you is a king built in
Drop down from the head and into the chest
Stay deep in the heart for this is the best

Give thanks for the tears, the anger, the rage
Say yes to life, turn over the page
It’s time to be brave, it’s time to be strong
You’ll be back in the game before it’s too long

You are not alone, there are men just like you
Who’ve fought with their mind and got stuck in the glue
So sit in silence and learn to just watch
Learn to reach out, no need for the scotch

The darkness is but a reflection of light
So surrender to life, no need for a fight
For life is a gift and pain is a friend
If you can grasp this, there’ll be no regrets in the end

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Craig White Mentoring